Difficult conversations are tough, but here’s how to turn them into positive outcomes.

One of the most common things I am asked about in leadership training is how to have difficult conversations.

So what is a difficult conversation? Quite simply, for me, it is a conversation you would rather not have.

And when you would rather not have one, you tend to do one of the following:

1. Put it off

2. Ignore it

3. Hope the problem will go away

4. Try to sugarcoat a conversation or worse still make a shit sandwich of it

If you do any of these things, this is what happens:

1. Avoiding the conversation will never make the issue go away

2. The issues will ferment and become more difficult to deal with the longer it is ignored

3. Other people will see you are not dealing with it and so will assume you are giving it permission to continue

4. Trying to sugarcoat the conversation will not resolve the issue, but will confuse it

So what should you do?

Find a way of moving the conversation from one of possible confrontation to one of positive solution. Here’s my advice.

1. Prepare - make sure you have all the information to hand, have examples, information and be specific about what you are going to talk about. Be clear on the outcome you want.

2. Listen - Use your best Active Listening skills. This is not a broadcast from you but a conversation between two people, so be prepared to be empathetic

3. Explore - be prepared to find out what is behind the issue from their perspective. “Tell me more about that” And then explore some options by finding a common solution “How might we resolve this issue that meets our needs?” Here’s my advice - put the onus on the individual to come up with some ideas

4. Support - reiterate your support for the person and make it known to them you have every confidence in them to make the changes being requested

5. Actions - Agree the next stage - what actions are going to be taken, or when shall you follow up on this.

So what difficult conversation are you contemplating?

Following this simple framework, you can emerge from a difficult conversation with a person who has felt listened to, who has come up with some suggestions for change and with a plan to ensure it is followed through.

Give it a go. And feel free to let me know how you get on.